This is my first time writing anything in quiet some time. My absence has given me a lot of time to think. I look at all of you, Christ Centered Girls followers and now my friends. I see all your comments and likes. I see the position God has put me in, the gift he has given me. I have to be honest with you though, it isn’t easy. I went into this with a blind fold over my face and God telling me to jump into a new world I had never been in before. I have not gone to school for this, I have dyslexia and many other problems that prevent me from being able to write “well.” So as you can imagine the struggle has been REAL. With every magazine issue that came out all I could see were the mistakes. All I could see was FAIL.
This began to take a toll on myself and my relationship with my friends and family. I was ashamed of what God had given me and soon, I was ready to give up. I wanted to be selfish and have a life, I wanted to be 17 and not have to work so hard at this.
But then I looked at all of you. Every girl that messaged me and said how much I had helped them. Every tear that was shed while reading my articles. I saw all of it. I cried out to God asking “WHY??” Why did he want this for me?? Why did he give me a following that didn’t just look to Christ Centered Girls but also looked to me?? Why was I inspiring girls all over the world!? Why couldn’t he pick someone else to have this job?? I wish there was a part in this story that said I finally ended up figuring out why. But sadly there has still been no happy ending here.
The enemy had gotten into my head and my life. He had manipulated me, he had taken myself from me. I was no longer Kylie, the girl that would have given her life for Jesus. I was Kylie, the girl who wanted to do her own thing and make her own path. I let God down, but I also let myself down. I am still struggling, I am still fighting, and I will fight till the day I die. I will not let the enemy win, I will not let him take advantage of me. I will not let him break me. Because I am STRONG and he has no power over a child of God! Not unless I give it to him.
God tested me, and I passed. There will be many more tests in the future, but I can tell you right now that I will never give up on you guys, no matter how much pain I have to go through to continue. I am here for you and always will be. I will fight for you till the day I die.
Love you all,